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Why Do Moms Feel So Much Guilt Around Self Care

Updated: Apr 14, 2020

Wisdom Bites from Hatch Moms...

Questions We asked Ourselves:

  1. What does self care mean for you? How important is it?

  2. Why is there so much baggage attached to self care for a lot of people - guilt, not enough time, I shouldn’t need it, etc.?

  3. Often time older generations say they never needed the “me time” - why do you think that is? What has changed over the years?

  4. Where does self care stand on your priority list? What specifically are you going to make time for regularly?

Why We Struggle to Embrace Self Care

  • There is a lot of guilt associated with self care. 

  • We are a transitional generation. We are the first generation raising young kids, taking care of aging parents and trying to get ahead in our career ALL at the SAME TIME!

  • We knowingly or unknowingly compare ourselves to our parent's generation and their habits. Our moms didn’t need self care or do self care because those were different times. So we didn’t have role models to deal with our current lifestyle.

  • Our generation has more choices than our moms ever did. More choices are great but they create more pressure.

  • Our parents had more white space (or downtime) that was naturally created by their times.

How to Manage the Guilt

  • Guilt is optional. We have the power to rewire our brains to not feel the guilt.

  • We have to change our self talk to "I am teaching my kids it is important to take care of ourselves" vs “I am not with my kids right now.”

  • Think of all the things you did do with/for your kids that day or week.

  • Give your kids focused attention before you take time for yourself.

Why Self Care is Important

  • When we are anxious constantly, we are no longer present.

  • One of the reasons we’re here is to enjoy our lives as best we can. So, if you’re engaging in self-care, you’re doing what we’re here for.

  • Self-care will help you to become a more compassionate, kind and patient person, benefiting both you and the people around you. 

  • In our 24/7 culture and lifestyle - it is harder to disconnect.

  • We NEED to be a role model for our daughters so they do not feel guilt when they engage in self care. We need to break the cycle.

Self Care Ideas

  • Taking time to have meaningful conversations with friends. Sharing our struggles is a big form of self-care - its cathartic

  • Gratitude journal

  • Meditation  - can start with just taking the time to take a few deep breathes every day

  • Put phone away for periods of our day to get the “whitespace”

  • Get 7-8hrs of sleep

  • Some form of physical exercise - a walk, hike, gym, etc.

  • Do something outdoors in nature

  • Try something new

Other Highlights

  • Everyone agreed that the quote “You can have it all” is misleading and means different things for people. "You can have it all, but not all at the same time" is more appropriate.

Further Reading

Other Helpful Tools & Resources

Hope to see you at our next conversation, so together, we can keep “hatching out” our inner selves!

With love & gratitude, Amna & Neha

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